I friend writes to me that he feels sad for what I feel. I bristle. I don't want pity, I don't want anyone taking away from how I feel, I wanted to be acknowledged, to be heard, to be listened to, without judgement or someone telling me you have to move on, or sadness for how I feel. It's mine.
My life is my life. It's like painting, adding a color, in watercolor once you set the color down, it can have movement, it can change but you can't take it away. My life is different now, I've added a color that will never go away, it's now how I will move the color around, how it will affect the other colors, how my landscape will change and develop.
I won't go back to what was. That is impossible. I won't go back to how I used to feel. That is also impossible. I live now unfurling all the colors, letting it all go where it will, I don't have to hold it together anymore.
What will my landscape look like, I don't know. I'm a work in progrress.
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