House History

My house and I have a long history.  I saw an ad for the house in the New York Times in the classifieds, before Craig's List and Trulia.   It sounds like the dark ages, but it wasn't that long ago.

   The real estate agent didn't even want to show me the house.  He said it wasn't worth much.
    It was listed for 150,000.00.  I walked in and looked around a dark and empty house.
    There was a beautiful stone fireplace.  The property was lovely, the house and property were full of potential.  I dreamed.  

    

  That ad brought me to my house, neglected and abandoned then too.  A daughter had lost her parents and couldn't pay for the house.  Taxes were due, repairs, she had to sell. She didn't want to.

  I bought the house because I couldn't afford a decent apartment in Manhattan.  I stayed in my rent stablized apartment in the East Village and bought the house along with almost 8 acres and a stream.

   I was working for a non profit organization. The owner/director had promised me and another woman worker that he'd buy us a home in New York.  He paid us low wages but he would secure a home for us.
I believed him.  He didn't keep his promise.  He then promised me he would help me buy a house, pay for the down payment.  I found a house and asked him for help.  He declined.
  It sounds dumb and naive now, but at the time it sounded like a promise.  I really believed it would happen.

  After the first house and his rescinding on his offer, I began looking for houses on my own, knowing that I would have to pay everything. 
   My house, the one I have neglected and abandoned was the house I found.

   I looked and looked at it and declined.  I couldn't afford the price.

   Several months went by, I still thought about the house.

   One day driving home from a friend's house, I thought, is this it, am I always going to be visiting friends, but never have a house of my own.

    I had a friend call the real estate agent to see if the house was still available. It was when I was in New Mexico filming a woman who had breast cancer, was forty five years old, and was going to die.

    It's time to get a house. It's time to stop waiting for the perfect house. 

     The house was still available, I made an offer. First my offer was too low.
     The owner wanted more, I wanted to pay less.

      We settled in the middle. I bought the house for 89,500. It was 90,000, but the owner wanted to charge for a kitchen fixture, she said it was "Tiffany like,"  I didn't think so. We fought, she wouldn't give me the fixture, I didn't want to pay extra for it, so she took the fixture down and deducted 500.00 off the price.
She replaced it with an ugly half falling down fixture.

  Looking back, I should have just given in, but I thought it was better to fight.  I wouldn't fight today. Or at least I don't think so.  My contract said "with fixtures," and I wanted her to abide by the contract.

      I heard a real estate agent say, "we don't sell you a house, we sell you a life."

     I understand that now.   A house is a marriage of sorts.  I haven't been married so it's funny for me to say that. But it is a commitment and a responsibility.  A big one.

      I shirked my responsibility. 
     
      For too long.
   
     I hope the house can forgive me.  I hope it's not too late.