Could I last a year, a month, a week.? ... only been 3 days

I don't know if I'll last a few days.
 The quiet gets to me. 
  The bugs get to me. 
The mice, or the evidence that they exist and run freely throughout my house gets to me.

I hate my house.

 I love the idea of my house.  Sounds familiar.  I had a few boyfriends, or maybe more than a few that I loved the idea of  them, but the day to day messy reality of them, it didn't fit my perfect picture of love.

Me too, the "idea" of me, is great, but watching myself parade around living every day,  not so much.

My house.  I've neglected it for almost a year.  Too many memories here.  Too much pain being here alone, no tv, no computer, no distractions.  When I came it was always too noisy in my head.  The thoughts wouldn't let go.

Now I've returned.  I'm here to take back my house, from rodents, bugs, dust, mold, peeling paint,
dirt and the lack of love I've withheld from my little house.

Will I last a year ?   A month?  I don't know. I'll take it a few days at a time.
When my brothers asked how long I would say, I answered both of them " as long as I can stand it."
Sad, that's how I feel. What has this house ever done to me, it's what I didn't do for it.
I'll invest myself this year, in making it a home.